T R I V I a

From the “Parish Pump” web site

Prayer equality

When my daughter Kelli said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every pet (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, “And all girls”. This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. 

My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, “Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?”

She replied, "Because everyone else always finishes their prayers by saying “All Men”.

Found for us by Eddie Richards:

“With packaging in short supply people may have to eat fresh food”

HEARD VIA THE MEDIA!

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE:
Jeremy: ‘What is another name for Cherrypickers and Cheesemongers?’
Contestant: ‘Homosexuals’.
Paxman: ‘No, they’re regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: ‘Where do you think Cambridge University is?’
Contestant: ‘Geography isn’t my strong point’.
Theakston: ‘There’s a clue in the title’
Contestant: ‘Leicester?’

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Wood: ‘What ‘K’ could be described as the Islamic Bible?’
Contestant, ‘Er’.
Wood: ‘It’s got 2 syllables…Kor…’
Contestant: ‘Blimey’.
Wood: ‘Ha ha ha, no, the past participle of run’.
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: ‘OK, try it another way, today I run, yesterday I …
Contestant: ‘Walked?’

BBC NORFOLK:
Stewart White: ‘Who had a worldwide hit with, What a Wonderful World?’
Contestant: ‘I don’t know’.
White: ‘I’ll give you some clues. What do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: ‘Arm’.
White: ‘Correct. And if you are not weak, you are ..?’
Contestant: ‘Strong’.
White: ‘Correct. And what was Lord Mountbatten’s first name?’
Contestant: ‘Louis’
White: ‘Well there we are then. So, who had a hit with the song, What a Wonderful World?’
Contestant: ‘Frank Sinatra’

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC 2)
Anne Robinson: ‘Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler, and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what:
Prison or the Conservative Party?’
Contestant: ‘The Conservative Party’.

BBC RADIO BRISTOL
Chris Searle: ‘In which European country is Mount Etna?’
Caller: ‘Japan’.
Searle: ‘I did say which European country, so in case you didn’t hear that I can let you try again’.
Caller: ‘Er…Mexico?’

BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE:
Paul Wappat: ‘How long did the 6 day war between Egypt and Israel last?’
Contestant after long pause: ‘Fourteen days?’

From the Parish Pump website

The vicar had a standard liturgy for funerals. To personalize each service, he used the Find and Replace command on his computer to replace the name of the deceased from the previous funeral with the new name.

One morning at a funeral, all was going smoothly until the congregation reached the Apostle's Creed. "Jesus Christ," the congregation  intoned, reading from the programme, "born of the Virgin Edna..."

Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.

Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."

Vet: "Is it a tom ?"

Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it wi'   us."

A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.

Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"

Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"

Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft begger!"
 
                                                                                           

A Yorkshireman's wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words "She were Thine" engraved on it.

He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral.

True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.
When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's been engraved "She were Thin".

He explodes - good grief, man, you've left the flamin' "e" out!
The stone mason apologises and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning.

Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason - "There you go sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you"......
The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud - "E, She were Thin".

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Page updated 23/08/2010